i hesitate
whether to pick up
being somewhere i no longer belong
the ringing no longer for me
skeptical, i look up at V
who nodding
gestures encouragement
your voice flows through
the receiver held
with nervous doubt
the mixture of emotions
thought to be hidden away
thought to have been accepted
to have let go
seep out uncontrollably
from the hiding place within
still shallow
needing
the will
to calm
the time
to settle
though too disturbed
to eye the present
i am still
acutely aware
of the circumstances
of all that is now
a solid part of the past
of what cannot
be undone
of the only option
that allows the both
the both of us
to move forward
on our separate paths
a second time
sounds flowing
through the heart
the sound of apologies
the sound of doubt
the sound of helpless regret
the sound of disappointment
the sound of partial truths
and hidden lies
the sound of lost trust
lost faith
in lost love
lost
on the way
not far
from the beginning
from the end
awkwardness
pretense
coldness
indifference
become of the reply
from the oblivion in my mind
and the overflow in my heart
a random outburst
of words of hurt
to hurt
to extinguish
any lingering
last flame
of false hope
the world turns
the heart stops
the end has come
after the end has gone
the soul struggles
scrambles
desperately
to hold on
i ask V to deliver
the one last connection
one last resolution
one last chance
to re-ignite
if possible
any sentiment
on which to preserve
any remains
bits of faith
of love
but the mind is twisted
words distorted
all, it seems
runs opposite
to the will
the heart
involuntarily
out of control
as with all
led
leading
to this final
ungrand finale
XIIIIMMIX
