交錯

你高談闊論

我卻沈默寡言

我滔滔不絕

你總不在我身邊

你說的話

我無從應對

我想說的

你為我一掃而空

你的為人處事

我多不同意

我的失控自私

你忍耐總有限時

你需要援助的事情

我絲毫幫不上忙

我最孤獨脆弱的時候

你身處距離最遠的地方

當你讓感性表露無遺

我刻意否定、抑制

當我思念滿溢把內心敞開

你總是心不在焉

兩顆生命迅間交錯

沒有幸相重疊

只泛起扣人心弦的浪花

及留下點滴帶點微溫

卻又苦澀的回憶

你說

你說

跟我一起時

能放下現實的種種袍服

你說

最快樂的日子

就在剛過去的夏天

你說

最懷念我

如薰衣草的香氣

你說

不知為何

就是愛我

我

無言以對

把你說的一切

放進心裡

VVMMIX

你。我。她。

本決定放下了

決定不再留戀

讓記憶漸漸模糊

讓幻想慢慢脫色

*

你

隨意的撥個電話

隨心的訴說心裡的話

是要讓我無法忘記

是要餵養我的幻想嗎?

你

告訴我你跟她的事

問我你該如何是好

是希望我以怎樣的身份

以怎樣的心情

去回應你?

我

著緊你對她的掩飾

像置身事外的

包容所發生的一切一切

是體恤你的無奈

還是為了待在你身邊?

我

表現得冷靜不帶情感

保持距離、不被動搖

內心的鬱悶無奈

每夜的思念期盼

你又可會猜到?

她

每次懷恨的致電

每句憤怒的說話

為何總能牽起

我混亂侵擾的思緒

她

那揮不掉的不安

那對於事情不受自己掌控的歇斯底里

引發我的同情

多於彌補我所失去

或許

她主動的維護

比我被動的歎息

空蕩的等待

更能滿足心靈的需求

至少

她為爭取自己所愛的

曾盡力而為

*

是我意志不夠堅定

還是內心掙扎求存?

ungrand finale

telephone ringing

i hesitate 

whether to pick up

being somewhere i no longer belong

the ringing no longer for me

skeptical, i look up at V

who nodding 

gestures encouragement

your voice flows through

the receiver held 

with nervous doubt

the mixture of emotions

thought to be hidden away

thought to have been accepted

to have let go

seep out uncontrollably 

from the hiding place within

still shallow

needing

the will

to calm

the time

to settle

though too disturbed

to eye the present

i am still

acutely aware

of the circumstances

of all that is now 

a solid part of the past

of what cannot

be undone 

of the only option

that allows the both

the both of us

to move forward

on our separate paths

a second time 

sounds flowing

through the heart

the sound of apologies

the sound of doubt

the sound of helpless regret

the sound of disappointment

the sound of partial truths

and hidden lies

the sound of lost trust

lost faith

in lost love 

lost 

on the way

not far

from the beginning

from the end

awkwardness

pretense

coldness

indifference

become of the reply

from the oblivion in my mind

and the overflow in my heart

a random outburst

of words of hurt

to hurt

to extinguish

any lingering 

last flame

of false hope

the world turns

the heart stops

the end has come

after the end has gone

the soul struggles

scrambles

desperately

to hold on

i ask V to deliver

the one last connection

one last resolution

one last chance

to re-ignite

if possible

any sentiment

on which to preserve

any remains

bits of faith

of love

but the mind is twisted

words distorted

all, it seems

runs opposite

to the will

the heart

involuntarily

out of control

as with all

led

leading 

to this final

ungrand finale

XIIIIMMIX